Willard is the doofiest character that works at our great company. Yes I’m being facetious, about the company not doofy Willard. He absolutely LOVES coming to work, performing his duties, albeit very slow, but nevertheless he is the poster child for company morale.
Having said that, his positive attitude creates a huge target on his back for all of the miserable denizens of the company, like the skank sisters.
One other thing I like about Willard is he’s about forty years old, he has no significant other, at least he never told me about one and he tells me everything…. And I mean EVERYTHING!
Oh, what I do like about Willard is his affinity toward video games, primarily vintage video games, but he doesn’t give a shit about how people perceive him, he doesn’t care about having a girlfriend or a wife or having too many friends, but he loves his video games and since I mentioned I liked playing my Playstation 4 one time, ONE TIME, I’m now his fuckin’ office video game buddy.
So I wasn’t surprised that he strolled in my office to tell me about a new vintage video game ROM site that he found. I know, what the hell is a ROM site? Like you I wouldn’t have had a clue but because of my new found friendship with my office video game buddy I now know more then any normal human being should know about what vintage video game ROM sites are.
Now, I don’t mind shooting the shit with Willard, I mean he means well, he’s not a backstabbing douche-back like 3/4 of the people are around here, but he tends to linger. Most of the time this isn’t a major problem but today, hungover and pissed off from my earlier dealings with skank sister #1 plus I have a huge report I have to give to JP before lunch and it’s rounding 11:00 am and have a bit more work to do on this this….
This is where my frustration starts..
“Willard , my friend, I’m meeting with JP for lunch and I have to finish a report so please leave me the FUCK alone!!!”
This is what I’d like to say, but I just don’t have it in me. This guy might actually cry if one of his “friends” told him to go away. So I proceed with caution, like I said he’s not one of the back-stabbing asshats that work here, and there are plenty of those roaming the halls.
So what do I do?
The tactic I take is simple and it always works.
“Madden”, I blurt out.
“What” asked Willard?
“I got 2 elites in one pack last night in Madden, it was fucking epic!!”
See, I know Willard loves vintage video games, he also loves strategy, role-playing and even a good shoot to kill game (as he refers to a first person shooter) from time to time but sports games are Willard’s kryptonite.
Start talking about sports, even real or video game versions and he’ll drop you like a hot potato and that’s exactly what I was counting on.
Instead of continuing the conversation, he goes something like, “Oh shit, JP needs the mail quick I have to get it over there”
And with that he scurried off to do whatever office mailmen do.
Now I really do have to finish this freaking report for JP…
So far today has really giving me a headache. I should’ve fucking banged.