Did you ever know a secretary who thinks she wields the same power as the executive she is a secretary for?
If you answered yes then you know Skank Sister #1.
I think part of her pushy aggressive tactics come from the idea that she works for an aggressive executive, we’ll call him The Gestapo, and because she works for this tyrant she feels entitled to behave like a tyrant.
The saddest thing about this behavior is that the average rank and file employees allow themselves to be victimized by her as if she was part of The Gestapo. Now I’m not saying it is right for The Gestapo to act this way, but I know I’m sure as hell not taking shit from a freaking secretary. Gestapo or no Gestapo.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. Personally, I don’t go out of my way to “avenge” my dignity when she tries to pull some shit and drop The Gestapo’s name into a conversation (not a conversation as much as she wants or needs something from you, but instead of just asking like normal person she tries to act like she is a boss… and she is not… this she will soon find out) but there are a lot of people here at The Company that take great pleasure in doing just that – making her look and feel stupid.
Willard, all of people, has absolutely no love for the Skank Sisters but Skank Sister #1 he’s particular hostile towards, especially when she tries to act like the company CEO and tries to tell him what to do.
Willard is our mailroom attendant, plus he’ll do miscellaneous administrative duties around the building. Those duties he will have to work with other administrative staff, like Skank Sister # 1. So there might be some times where she will have to give him direction on what needs to be done (But only on those administrative tasks.)
Let me just say this: NO ONE FUCKS WITH WILLARD’S MAILROOM. (Period.)
So, you might see where someone like Skank Sister # 1 might blur the lines and let the administrative task bleed into his mailroom responsibilities. She is the very definition of give her an inch and she’ll try to take a mile.
So this particular day, she pops into the mailroom and hands Willard a huge stack of mail that “HAS TO” get processed immediately because it’s “important mail” for, you guessed it, The Gestapo.
Now the other thing I need to mention about Willard is that he is very methodical, he has a routine and has to follow it. There are those in The Company for which he will break his routine, obviously, The Gestapo is one of those people. So when he grabbed to stack of mail from Skank Sister # 1 he happen to notice that this was all personal mail for the Skank Sister. By personal I don’t mean her Visa and Cable bills but the normal mail she processes only a weekly basis.
What probably happened was she was late completing her mail for the week and didn’t want to hear about being late from The Gestapo (because he doesn’t do late – unless he’s the one who is late) so she fabricated a story about the mail being a special “rush” job for The Gestapo.
Messing with the order he performs his mail duties creates a beast in Willard. So he goes “NO, this is your shit, I’ll do it when I can.”
So, she does exactly what any devious fucking Skank Sister would do, she went and told The Gestapo that Willard has basically made her late. (I could seriously picture her gloating as she devised that little plan.)
The Gestapo doesn’t do late and if someone is making his secretary late then that person must get scolded, immediately.
“Do (my Skank Secretary’s) mail immediately or you’re fucking fired!” – The Gestapo has spoken.
I think Willard expected that and that didn’t get him too upset but then about 20 minutes later good ‘ol Skank Sister # 1 came by smiling and said:
“Hey Toots, got my mail?”
Her goofy, gloating face really pissed Willard off. All he could think was those 3 little words – Payback’s a Bitch!
Now let me mention one thing about the Skank Sister’s desk, she works from her desk all the time, she eats at her desk all the time and reads a lot of magazines and books at her desk all the time (Nowhere to run when you’re on call for The Gestapo.)
Needless to say her desk is cluttered. (Not dirty but unorganized.)
So a few days later (maybe later on the following week) Skank # 1 comes over to Willard and in anxiously asks if he has seen a Fed Ex envelope for The Gestapo, he has a very serious legal issue (a personal matter – I tell you about another time.)
Willard did indeed have that envelope but he was still so freakin’ pissed that he goes (real sincerely): “No I’ll bring it right over once it arrives.”
With that she storms out of the mailroom.
She stopped by around lunch and asked again, in a real panic this time whether he received the envelope.
“No, told you I’ll bring it right over when I get it.”
OK, to make a long story short Willard gets a call from The Gestapo telling him to stop by his office.
“Willard, are you sure you haven’t seen a Fed Ex package today? (My Skanky Secretary confirmed that they delivered it and YOU signed for it” – pointing intensely at Willard then he nodded to his Skanky Secretary as if to confirm the confirmation.
Willard felt a surge of happiness when he looked directly at The Gestapo, “Of course I received it. I told your Skanky Secretary that I’d bring it over as soon as it arrived. I placed it right on her desk hours ago.”
With that the three of them went over to her desk and shuffled a few books and magazines around and there right under her lunch plate (which consisted of organic hummus and carrot sticks) was the Fed Ex envelope.
The Gestapo gave his Skanky Secretary a stare as if looks could kill because Willard knew that if there is one thing worse than being late, The Gestapo HATES clutter and messiness and Skank Sister # 1 would definitely hear about this. For a long time!
A little later Willard walked back by his favorite Skanky Secretary while she was in the mist of de-cluttering her work-space.
He walked by and smiled and said with a wink.
“Did you get your mail, Toots?”