Bucktooth McGillicutty is one of those funny types of people. Have you ever worked for a company where you have those people who make (or at least are supposed to enforce the “laws” of the company) but then they break them themselves the very next day?
At The Company we have one of those too…
Meet Bucktooth McGillicutty.
Bucktooth McGillicutty is a human resource extraordinaire, he spends most of his time bitching about his personal life and shit like that. Overall, he really is decent guy who really tries to help the employees of The Company.
But Bucky Mack has a few quirks that can drive you up a fucking wall.
First off, he bitches about his personal life constantly, mostly money problems. Yet, he smokes like a fucking chimney, at $8 or $10 a pack (or whatever the hell cigarettes cost these days) the last thing you should do if you have money problems is buy freaking cigarettes!
In a way I feel bad for Mack because he doesn’t make great money but this is probably the most he’s ever going to make. No formal education or anything like that. His prospects for finding another job are extremely limited. With the earning potential non-existent and his well-publicized money problems, Bucktooth McGillicutty is an easy target for people like JP, The Skank Sisters and especially The Gestapo. There are times I really feel for the guy because he is really between a rock and a hard-place quite often.
So being the target of upper management and their Skanky secretaries, he’s often called upon to do the tasks that will make him look like an asshole to pretty much everyone else in The Company (like “remind” people of a very unpopular rule brought down from The Gestapo.) The beauty of Bucktooth McGillicutty is that while he sends out emails and correspondence about these rules he, himself doesn’t seem to give a shit about the rules.
The latest rule that is enforced about once a year is the NO OPEN TOE SANDALS to work rule. Now this is actually a rule I can appreciate (I loved it when The Gestapo initially send out the email. To me there is almost nothing worse than seeing disgusting, decrepit, weirdly angled toes with long disgusting witch toe-nails sticking out of an open toe sandal.)
But the initial email was a few years ago and with new employees and people’s limited memories, every year it’s up to Bucktooth McGillicutty to reinforce the rule.
It’s always unpopular when he sends out the email, but what makes it even worse (at least for people who like crooked, exposed toes) is that the next day good ‘ol Bucktooth McGillicutty will walk the halls of The Company with FUCKING OPEN TOE SANDALS!!!! Which I find HILARIOUS but most people think it’s as bad as getting a freaking pay cut.
Now the greatest thing about Bucktooth McGillicutty is how he handles it when someone makes a comment about his exposed, old-ex-hippy tootsies poking out for the world to see…
He just looks up, smiles and says “Tomorrow don’t be such a pussy and wear the damn sandals” and walks away.
… Bucktooth McGillicutty – My Hero