It was early on a Thursday morning, I like to get in around 7:30-7:45, even though our start time is 8:30.
I do this for a few reasons:
1. I hate rushing and there is a lot less traffic in the morning. Plus leaving my house an hour early gives me enough time just in case there is a big traffic jam somewhere.
2. I love sitting for about a half an hour reading (either a newspaper, a book or my iPad..) it doesn’t matter to me I really look forward to this quiet time in the morning.
3. I usually eat my breakfast at this time. Sometimes just a large cup-o-coffee, sometimes a big egg sandwich from the deli, and sometimes a piece of fruit.
The point is it doesn’t matter what I read or eat, the point is I cherish this time before having to really “start the day.”
I could eat and read at home but then I have traffic in the back of my mind. Once I sit at my desk I can truly relax, plus I know exactly how long I have before I need to start to work.
In case you haven’t figured it out, I love my quiet time in the morning before I start the day, I look forward to it as much as I look forward to quitting time. Usually when I get in at 7:30 it is really, really quiet and people usually don’t pile in en masse until like 8:25.
So I’m sure you can imagine was quite startled around five minutes to eight when I heard, as loud as hell, outside of my office.
“WHY DON’T YOU DO US ALL A FAVOR AND GET SOME SELF RESPECT AND PUT YOUR FUCKING TITS AWAY!” The voice was clearly Big Ass’s.
Now the person that she’s had a bit of beef with lately was, of course, Ethyl and Ethyl would definitely fit the “put your tits away” description. Since cleavage is, pretty much, a part of her wardrobe.
Now, on one hand I was pissed that I couldn’t read in peace but on the other hand I was intrigued. Very Intrigued.
This had to be better than the latest middle-east crisis or Ebola scare or who got caught cheating in Washington scandal.
This was a real live scandal, right at The Company!
And I had front row seats.
So I immediately, yet casually, step out of my office as if I needed to use the bathroom or get some more coffee but I couldn’t help noticing that Big Ass is going OFF on Ethyl.
I guess Big Ass slept on the fact that Ethyl took total advantage of her the other day and decided to start Global Thermonuclear War on her ass (and tits from the sound of it.)
It was a cat fight unlike any I’ve ever seen in an office building.
Big Ass went off on her cleavage (and her self-respect)
Ethyl fired back how nasty Big Ass’s Big Fat Ass was and she still proclaimed her innocence and was only being “singled out” because Big Ass was jealous of her “hot curves and booty”
Big Ass told her that she had documented proof she was MIA and then Big Ass goes (I can’t make this shit up)
“Jealous, of you? I can scrape a notched trowel across your face and patch a hole in my wall with all the caked-on make-up you wear.”
I literally thought to myself “Holy shit women are fucking cruel, guys would have just beat the crap out of each other and then go out and get a beer.”
With the wall patching comment, Ethyl started to cry. (Now whenever she is “called out” on the sneaky things she does she always ends up playing the victim to someone who will listen, while the crocodile tears come streaming down her face) But this time the verbal abuse (both ways) was pretty harsh so they may have been real tears. (With Ethyl you never can tell.)
Now what made this freaking HILARIOUS was the more that Ethyl cried (and the insults went back and forth for a few more minutes) the more the make-up smeared down her face.
She ended up looking like a scary, ugly fucking clown prostitute.
What made matters worse for Ethyl but made up for the fact that I lost out on reading this morning was Big Ass’s reaction.
Big Ass burst out laughing hysterically and goes “get your sorry ass in the bathroom and clean yourself up, you look like a pack of sharpies shit all over you face.”
With that, Big Ass made my day, maybe my whole year.
But DAMN…. Women can be Vicious!