Even though Big Ass is a good manager and will not take crap from anyone she is still fucking LOONEY!!!
Now, before you get on my ass, let me explain.
And before you ask, yes, Big Ass does have a great big ass. She has cankles and wears 2-3 inch heels that seem to buckle under the weight of her gigantic ass as she walks down the hall.
Ok so now you know why everyone at The Company calls her Big Ass, and she is a good manager (remind me to tell you the rest of the story of how Big Ass ended Ethyl’s lying spree) but she still has a few shades of crazy under her belt and it ain’t pretty.
First off, let me reiterate (in case you missed it) – The Bitch is CRAZY!!!!!!!
I have a personal “in” with the human resource manager (ok, twist my arm and I’ll give you all the juicy gossip really soon, but first – Big Ass.) Well, it’s common knowledge that Big Ass waddled down to the human resource office at least three times a week. She seems to get a bug up her Big Ass to get a certain member of The Company fired and will go to the human resource department to lodge a complain at least three times a week.
From very petty to outright unbelievable, the accusations that come out her mouth are, I find, hilarious. The only people who don’t get amused by her antics are the people she is accusing of whatever the hell she decides bothers her this particular day. (And this could be both males and females – remind to tell you what happened to Ethyl – Freakin’ Hilarious.)
Anyway, the episode that comes to mind that I must share with you is Big Ass’s run in with Stan the Man. Stan would indirectly make fun of Big Ass’s big ass by talking on the phone to other people or telling funny-ass jokes about funny “Big” Ass’s, so she would get wind of this or overhear these conversations and end up with her Big Ass in the human resource department everyday.
When Human Resources told her that they couldn’t fire someone for telling a joke revolving around a fat girl Big Ass got an idea…
Big Ass became a lesbian!
Now, I personally have nothing against lesbians, but Big Ass clearly wasn’t a lesbian, I went out to exactly two after work functions where Big Ass attended and she was hanging all over guys, maybe not exactly Brad Pitt caliber guys but – they were human beings with penises – I’ll leave it at that.
So now she has ammunition because Stan the Man told a mad funny lesbian joke and now she was a lesbian so she basically equated Stan’s joke to the human resource manager as a fucking hate crime.
THE INTERVENTION
So, from my office I watch Stan walk into the human resource manger’s office, then a few minutes later I watch Big Ass waddle into the HR office and I know – It’s on!!!!!!
Apparently they give Stan the Man a warning and Big Ass gets a much bigger office – go figure, but I guess The Company saw a lawsuit forming. So Stan and Big Ass were separated… or so we thought.
She then proceeded to call Stan into her office everyday to fix her newly lesbianized computer (Stan was a main player in IT) and apparently somehow Stan fixed her computer in some derogatory manner.
So back into HR Big Ass went.
Once I saw Big Ass waddle her fat ass down to HR for the third day in a row, I knew something with up – and that didn’t bode well for poor ol’ Stan the Man…..
Long story short Stan the Man is not employed by The Company anymore…
Fearing a lawsuit The Company buckled under the pressure of the newly converted member of the lesbian way of life…. Big Ass.
For that I can never really forgive her, trust her or look at her Big Ass the same way again.
But it’s still masterful how this newly minted lesbian handled Ethyl’s big cleavage.
Stay tuned…